In November 2009, McSweeney’s, a humor website published a piece written by Jamie Quatro titled “Catherine and Heathcliff audition for Twilight”. As those of us who have read the books know, in Eclipse Edward and Bella often compare their characters and relationships to that of Wuthering Heights lead characters Catherine and Healthcliff written by Emily Bronte. In this piece written by Jamie Quatro, he creates a funny satire of what it would be like if Catherine and Heathcliff were the ones to audition for Catherine Hardwicke when she was casting for Twilight.
Here’s an excerpt from the dialogue:
SECOND ASSISTANT CAMERAMAN:Twilight auditions, forest scene, take one.
DIRECTOR CATHERINE HARDWICKE: Roll camera … and … action!
CATHERINE: Your cold blood cannot be worked into a fever. Your veins are full of ice water, but mine are boiling, and the sight of such chilliness makes them ….
HARDWICKE: Cut! Bella, the line is “Your skin is pale white and ice cold.” Let’s try it again.
2ND A.C.: Twilight auditions, forest scene, take two.
HARDWICKE: Rolling … and … action!
CATHERINE: Wilderness of furze and whinstone—your bliss lies, like Satan’s, in inflicting misery!
HEATHCLIFF: (to HARDWICKE) This lamb of yours threatens like a bull! It is in danger of splitting its skull against my knuckles.
HARDWICKE: Cut. Okay, that was, you know. Messed up. Catherine, Edward’s the one whose speech is supposed to sound like it’s from a different time. Heathcliff, the lamb stuff was good, and you’ve got the whole I’m-fighting-the-bloodlust thing going. But can you give me a little more tenderness?
CATHERINE: He’s not a rough diamond, a pearl-containing oyster of a rustic. He’s a fierce, pitiless, wolfish man. An unreclaimed creature, without refinement, without cultivation ….
HARDWICKE: Wait—have you even readTwilight? Because the wolf thing is way more important in New Moon.
To read the entire story click here
Source:
Here’s an excerpt from the dialogue:
SECOND ASSISTANT CAMERAMAN:Twilight auditions, forest scene, take one.
DIRECTOR CATHERINE HARDWICKE: Roll camera … and … action!
CATHERINE: Your cold blood cannot be worked into a fever. Your veins are full of ice water, but mine are boiling, and the sight of such chilliness makes them ….
HARDWICKE: Cut! Bella, the line is “Your skin is pale white and ice cold.” Let’s try it again.
2ND A.C.: Twilight auditions, forest scene, take two.
HARDWICKE: Rolling … and … action!
CATHERINE: Wilderness of furze and whinstone—your bliss lies, like Satan’s, in inflicting misery!
HEATHCLIFF: (to HARDWICKE) This lamb of yours threatens like a bull! It is in danger of splitting its skull against my knuckles.
HARDWICKE: Cut. Okay, that was, you know. Messed up. Catherine, Edward’s the one whose speech is supposed to sound like it’s from a different time. Heathcliff, the lamb stuff was good, and you’ve got the whole I’m-fighting-the-bloodlust thing going. But can you give me a little more tenderness?
CATHERINE: He’s not a rough diamond, a pearl-containing oyster of a rustic. He’s a fierce, pitiless, wolfish man. An unreclaimed creature, without refinement, without cultivation ….
HARDWICKE: Wait—have you even readTwilight? Because the wolf thing is way more important in New Moon.
To read the entire story click here
Source:
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